Tired of math? Is it ruining your social life? Haven’t had a date in 10 years because of too much math homework?
Congratulations! If you just answered yes to any of the above questions, you are a prime candidate for our new rehabilitation program, appropriately titled “Peace with Math.” Using our simple five-step program, you too can learn to live life to its fullest by coming to terms with that ugly blemish in your life–math. And the best part is that it’s free!
1. Admit you have a problem with math. For example, scream, “I hate math!” at the top of your lungs.
2. Decide to get help by enrolling in “Peace with Math.”
3. Join the “Isle of Math” and vent your frustrations whenever you feel an excessive burst of math hatred coming on.
4. Try to distance yourself from math in your daily life.
5. And whatever you do, don’t ever cave in to those people who try to talk you into majoring in math when it comes time to make career choices. Remember, finding peace with math means that you must take Nancy Reagan’s advice and JUST SAY NO!
Now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord no math will creep,
Into my head and ruin my dream,
‘Cause then it makes me want to scream.
7 nights straight for math dreams. Won’t they ever go away?!!
Yes, apparently there are some math geek quizzes out there.
Math Geek Quiz
According to this one, I am (sadly) neutral when it comes to math. Of course, I’d rather do the math and not fail than not do the math and fail. I guess my studious nature makes me seem like one. This one will also make you dizzy because it has animated dolphin icons jumping up and down as you take it.
Another Math Geek Quiz
I got the first four right and then gave up because it was bringing back too many bad memories of infinite geometric sequences and stuff.
By request, here’s how to know if you’re a math geek. I think I’ll start a new standup comedian routine.
You might be a math geek if…
1. You do word problems for fun on Friday night.
2. You routinely think things such as, “What would Pythagoras do in this situation?”
3. You belong to a math organization (math club, mu alpha theta, math honor society…etc.)
4. You hold office in one of the above-mentioned organizations.
5. Your creative writing stories contain sentences such as, “Mary and John raced toward each other like two trains leaving two different stations, one of which was travelling at a rate of 45 mph, the other at 56 mph.”
6. And…(gasp)…you actually LIKE math!
So, there it is. If any of you have any more “you might be a math geek”s, you can either email me at kieletakeuchi at yahoo dot co dot jp, or you can reply to this posting.
Come on, people. Join the I Hate Math Club. Everybody else is doing it. Just think of how it’ll look on your resume. …probably not too good. Well, join anyway and leave it off the resume.
